A girl in South Africa

Trust was instilled in us as babies. I trusted my aunt to catch me when she threw me up in the air. I trusted my parents to always feed me and come attend to me when I cry. Gullible and naive 7 year old, my favourite uncle was the first to break my trust. Lured by sweets and ice-cream that he enticed me with, he violated me down there. Told to never tell a soul because I'd only hurt people, my world became dark. Can I ever trust again?

I'm now a teenager, just developed breasts and my body is taking shape. There's this cute guy I like but he's those cool kids and I might get hurt. My early life trauma still haunts me but it won't stop me from loving. He says all the right words to entice me, I think I'll give him a chance. I trust his words, they sound so sincere. 8 months steady with him and I find out about his other two girlfriends. Heart broken, left confused and full of questions. Why me? I treated him good, why would he do this?

I'll just start dating older men because they're more mature. In Varsity we know that old charmers hang out at chilled places where they play good music. I know a girl that goes to those places, I'll befriend her. These girls look like they like things but I need an older man so I'll just have to be cool with them. These old charmers buy me things, promise me good times, get me drunk and I love alcohol. I think they understand me more than these kids my age.

I find myself here, how did I get here? Sleeping with old married men who seduce me using their bank account. Finding comfort in designer labels, make-up and expensive weaves. Crazy nights and wild parties is what I look forward to, it's my escape from this reality I find myself in. Get me high, get me drunk and let me forget about the voice inside me questioning my lifestyle. My boyfriend is a player but two can play that game. My friends like him and he's cute so I won't leave him plus the sex is good.

What have I turned into? My mother just told me she doesn't know me anymore. We fought but truth is, I too don't know myself anymore. How did I get here? I want to find myself. I can no longer take comfort in being branded a hoe by my peers. What will my children think of me? My mother has invited me to a prayer meeting, I'll attend and see what good it will do. Maybe divine intervention is what I need, maybe the answers are found in God. All I know is that there needs to be change because I'm losing myself to the world.

Racial profiling

On the 28th of October 2013, a young rapper travelling home from a gig was mistaken for a kidnapper and shot at 6 times. Lucky none of the shots proved fatal. Khuli Chana escaped with his life. This brought about a lot of talking because this mistaken identity is a norm but was brought to media attention because of Khuli's fame.

People were angered at what a costly mistake the police had made. Many people shared their views and experiences on twitter. I proceeded to tweet, "The sad reality is that none of this would have happened to @KhuliChana were he a white man." It didn't sit well with many. I was branded a racist. I look back at that tweet and I still see its accuracy. Maybe the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. Had the police looked in that blue BMW (the suspect were said to be in a grey BMW) and saw a caucasian man of any age I don't think they would've fired 6 shots at him. Khuli just matched the description, not even the car matched the description. Any black man aged 20 - 35 in that position would have been thought perpetrator without question. This is the society we live in, whether you fear to look at it that way or not. The black man lives in fear in his own land.

Do the police have reason not to trust young black men? It goes without say that crime is a serious problem in the country. Is crime a racial problem? Black people are from a less privileged backgrounds due to racial oppression caused by Apartheid. Mentally and physically oppressed for decades by a system set up to benefit people belonging to one race. Robbed off our country's wealth and prosperity. This is no secret, something we all know. We are in a new South Africa now which gives 'equal' opportunity to every citizen. Its no revelation that many black man due to their impoverished backgrounds and lack of knowledge to commit white collar crimes have resorted to more violent crimes in order to get their way. This has led society to paint the average criminal as a black man between the ages 20 to 35. @JacquiThePoet tweeted "Black men are guilty until proven innocent, their crime is being black."

Khulane Morale, 31, got shot at 6 times for driving a car that resembled that off the criminals in question. Khulane also meets societies description of a criminal, a black man aged between 20 and 35. Without question he almost lost his life because of racial profiling. If me pointing this out makes me a racist then we have a problem. If speaking about racism or racial problems makes your back hairs stand then you're living in a cocoon, a world far from the truth. The truth is that society is racist, we stereotype everyday and those stereotypes lead to dangerous conclusions. @MTshwete tweeted "Where can I buy "I'm black but I'm not a criminal" car sticker.

Will we ever stop racial profiling so a black man like me can feel safe travelling the streets without being shot at? Is this mentality of stereotyping everyone you come across ever gonna stop? Are the wounds caused by Apartheid in this country ever going to heal? The more we talk about it more openly the more we can understand each others frustrations. Don't shush me because I have the guts to say my mind on racial issues because they make you feel uncomfortable. I'm here looking for a solution to the problem, keeping quiet is not working for me.

@Vusani_

Parental guidance

A child is more than money. Why are we careless with our children but careful with our money? Children are the greatest gift from God. As a parent, God has given you the privilege to raise and teach a child. You train your child young what you want him or her to become. Children should be taught how to grow up, they can't grow up on their own. Don't expect a child to be what they are not. God gives children the patents they need in order to become the people they're supposed to be. Wishing other parents or children is a sin.

Many times we teach them by our own lives. God had entrusted you with the task of bringing the child up. Don't bring up a child under threats. Threats are cruel and leave the child fearful and worried. Threats are not fair and are immoral. You can't build anything by threatening, you can only build a child by love. Encourage your child to do better. Teach your child responsibility. Don't confuse material for love. Spoiling and love are two different things.

A child makes a parent a better person. Every child helps a parent improve their character. You learn patience, acceptance, tolerance, flexibility, generosity, how to be joyful and giving as well as to accept who you are. Learn to be the best and you yourself will be the best to your children. Your daughter should be your best friend, you mother. Your son should be your best friend, you father. Every child needs guidance so they don't make mistakes. When they make mistakes, they need love and warmth. Never compare your children to anyone else.

When your child asks you to talk, stop everything and listen. When you close the door for your child to come confide in you, you have lost your child. You don't build anyone by criticising them. Stop looking for difficulty in your child and start looking for the opportunity in your child. Stop trying to toughen your child because you will end up destroying them. As a mother, you don't go by what the uncle or aunt say. Speak to your child and understand them. Never label your children and don't allow anyone to label your children. Stand up and defend your children from those who try and label them. A child with a good family foundation can never be broken down. Words stay until death. Some words are not to be spoken. Today you have to forgive yourself and your children. [Prophet Philip Banda] 

Free slaves

Apartheid and the era of slavery came and is now gone but are black people really free? What has accomplishing freedom done for our mentality? Are black people still suffering from inferior complex? We need to realise that servitude is not just about being in chains and calling the white man “baas” while being treated less than his dogs. True servitude is in the mind, the way you think, the way you view yourself and those who were your former oppressor.

Freedom has seen many black people thrive in this country. Multi-racial schools are a norm in society and we have come to co-exist with each other peacefully. This is nice and all but are black people really free mentally. This question I pose after observing how many black people still believe the DA could bring back apartheid if they came in power. People strongly believe the past can come back to haunt us if power is given back to the white man. We rather endure the constant abuse from the ruling party than to imagine a white man take over the hot seat. We’re trapped! We have moved to dodging rubber bullets and tear gas physically to doing it mentality.

We suffer from inferior complex even in the work place. A black person is more comfortable with a white manager than a black one, they assume the white man knows best. With all races, size and form attending various universities across the country, it’s only a trapped mind that makes us assume the white man knows better. This behaviour can be observed amongst teens as well where when a black teen associates himself with a white teen and forgets his roots and starts speaking in a pretentious nasal accent which is interpreted  to make you seem smarter than the normal speaking black man. A black teen would rather redesign his culture, religion and behaviour to mimic that of a white teen than to expect the white teen to do the same. This kind of mentality is the reason why I believe white people found it so easy to land on our continent and do as they please to the locals.

Many black people live to please the white man at his black brothers expense. It’s a mental  warfare and we seem to be lacking adequate ammunition to do proper combat. We don’t like reading, we don’t follow too much of the news, we hardly get out of our comfort zones and we downright ignorant. For the black man to transcend mentally in order to stop being modern day slaves, it will require great effort. We are at a very exciting time for our race and continent but to really grab the opportunities infront of us we need to awaken from our slumber and realise though we are not in chains we’re still slaves to our minds.

Short-termism

The black mentality is a very complex theory yet relatively easy to fathom. There are many components to the black mentality but today I divulge the short-termism that we suffer from. What is short-termism?  This is the type of thinking or planning that concentrates on achieving results in the near future rather than on long-term objectives. The average black man lives for today and at most tomorrow, any further than that is simply pushing it. This mentality is adopted to dealing with money, relationships and general living.

When you talk about investments you tickle the black mind and the sensation spreads through-out his body as this word is associated with getting rich. Why is it then that only white folk keep to be getting this investment thing right? Black men think they deserve immediate compensation if they are willing to put away their hard earned money. Very few black people are willing to stay in an investment that will mature in 15 years time. Is it because the concept of investment wasn’t properly explained so that the black mind can grasp it. We survive on our salaries and our loan re-payments exceed our savings. Maybe we hope not to live long and that someone can bear the grudge of repaying the debts that we are forever accumulating.  Wealth will never be achieved under this mentality.

Ask a black man where he sees himself in 10 years time and it feels as if you asked him to write you a 10 page essay explaining quantum theory. This has sadly become part of our culture, to think for now without ever considering consequences of the future...YOLO! The decisions being made by today’s youth would suggest that most of them have no ambitions of making a family or being parents that will lead by example. They live a reckless life for the thrill of the moment.

People get into relationships with someone for all the wrong reasons because we suffer from this mentality. Girls chasing guys with money because they want to be spoiled NOW! “Why wait for tomorrow, who promised us tomorrow?” Some of the things girls who chase sugar-daddies love to quote. Many black girls are not looking for a husband, they want a sponsor. They want someone who will provide a means for them to continue living this reckless life they have grown accustomed to. They’re too quick to give up on education because they haven’t thought to how far it can get them, they are unable to think that far. Guys are forever chasing pipe dreams because they trying to get rich quick and live the lives they see on MTV which they fantasize about.

This short-termism is a sad way to look at life. I have no immediate remedy for it but I will bring it to your attention so you can start looking at life from a new angle for a change.

Are we losing our culture?

What is it that you understand by 'culture'? Semi-dressed natives in animal skin attire, dancing about and singing traditional songs? Is that really what our culture has been reduced to? Have we been consumed so much by Western culture that we belittle our own culture and see it as ancient and rather an embarrassment to practice? Are we unwillingly succumbing to a new way of life, the 'modern' way where we neglect our culture?

Maybe I should first start by point out what exactly our (black people) culture is because I'm pretty sure most of us have no idea. One of the most fundamental aspects of our culture is the importance we attach to man. Ours is a man-centred society. We take comfort in associating with others. In a community, everybody knows everybody and we all know each other's problems and stories. We also believe in sharing. Enriching those who find themselves in a less fortunate position. This is called Ubuntu, that's our brainchild after all. In the words on Archbishop Desmond Tutu, "A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, based from a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed"

Growing up all we knew was to go outside to play with other children. We didn't have to create an imaginary friend like our Caucasian brethren, we had a surplus of friends. This is one of the reasons we're loud, it's in our genes. We want to be heard by our many friends. Let them not shhh us because they're used to whispering to their imaginary friends. We love music, boy do we love music. Every game we played as children was with most certainty accompanied with a song. We sing when we're sad, when we go to war so we can combat the fear in our heart and most importantly, we sing when we're happy. We have rhythm so with song comes dance. We dance to express ourselves, it's the best form of expression we know. That's why they mock us when we strike and say we not angry about what we're marching about because we're dancing. They couldn't be any wrong, we are angry and we express our angry in march while singing struggle songs.

Our culture involves a lot of beliefs but one that sticks out is our believe of ancestral powers. A believe that the minority have dismissed as deficient. We are made to believe in Karma and Blessings instead. Some go as far as to say ancestral belief is going against God. This is NOT true. We need to embrace our ancestors, that's our culture. You can be a Christian and still give thanks to your ancestors. A lot of people will interpret the bible the way they see fit to match their culture and belief, don't be quick to listen to them. We believe in ancestors and we also practise lobola. Stop trying to look up every bible scripture to convince us that it's wrong, this is our culture.

We also slaughter animals when we are having family gatherings or celebrations. This is not barbaric. The animal is a token of thanks to our ancestors. It's easy to call us barbaric and then go off and buy your McDonald burger as if the meat fell from the sky like manna from heaven. We have a vast amount of cultures with different traditional attire. We NEED to feel proud of dressing in our traditional attire out in public without people thinking we're benighted. America dedicates a full month to celebrate black awareness and black history. The black people in America are the minority. Here in South Africa we are the majority but yet we have only one day to celebrate our culture. 24 September is Heritage day, the only day where you're not made to feel peculiar for dressing in traditional attire in the city yet we celebrate Good Friday and Christmas day with relative ease as if it were indigenous.

Who do we blame for this repudiation from our culture? Is it our parents who have neglected to educate us? Is mixing with Caucasians making us feel that their ways are better? Is it the influence we get from Western culture via television and social media? Whatever is it, it has to stop. We NEED to take pride in our culture, we NEED to embrace it, cultivate it and pass it down to our children and their children to come. No one will preserve our culture for us if we don’t, unfortunately. Let's take pride in our culture, behaviour and lifestyle. Let no one make us feel inferior for being ourselves.

follow me on twitter @JackBadane